Why Monogamy Matters
It seems I hear from countless women who tell me, "No one does that anymore." Well, a lot of people don't believe in monogamy and it's getting to the point that a lot more don't even believe in the value of getting married.
It's almost enough to make me wonder if a new trend is developing. Something that want's the benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of a commitment. If only such a thing existed. What many fail to understand is that a passionate and intense relationship doesn't help you much when you're sick and need someone to help you.
How exciting a person is doesn't really make much difference when you have a screaming 2 year old at 2am.
Marriage isn't obsolete. In fact, the best marriage advice I can offer to anyone considering simply dating instead of getting married is simply this: Do you want to be with someone that will leave once they realize their feelings change, or would you rather live with someone who loves you, even when you disappoint them?
It's almost enough to make me wonder if a new trend is developing. Something that want's the benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of a commitment. If only such a thing existed. What many fail to understand is that a passionate and intense relationship doesn't help you much when you're sick and need someone to help you.
How exciting a person is doesn't really make much difference when you have a screaming 2 year old at 2am.
Marriage isn't obsolete. In fact, the best marriage advice I can offer to anyone considering simply dating instead of getting married is simply this: Do you want to be with someone that will leave once they realize their feelings change, or would you rather live with someone who loves you, even when you disappoint them?
posted by The Relationship Doctor at
12:13 PM
8 Comments:
Good advice - to get it we need to show up with our emotions, something as men we were never taught to do in a masculine way.
With myself and men I have worked with I see that when we go deep into what we feel and want then express it not only is the woman turned on, we are naturally more committed.
Without showing up this way - Commitment is work!
I think the trend away from monogamy is a sad sign of our times. Life has become all about satisfying physical urges. We live like animals. We only listen to our desires. We have lost the concept of using self discipline to channel our urges to serve a higher purpose. Its very sad.
A relationship has much more passion when there is love between 2 people. We are at a turning point in relationship trends now though. People married younger before and roles were clearly defined. The world has evolved and relationships are struggling to find their place. If you have issues in a relationship don't hide them. Bring them out in the open and let life happen. I see it often with the young couples. They struggle to communicate, but after taking sessions with an impartial person dialogue often opens and then we really see if people are meant to be together.
It is true that less and less people find monogamy ideal. I am one of them.
I would like to try something in between. A partner in marriage like you speak of, but where we both get to occasional sleep with other people.
I love monogamy and so does every guy I've ever dated. Having that partnership, that trust, that emotional bond is something not to be taken for granted. I've been on lots of dates with guys who I've doubted would be faithful, but I've never dated anyone I doubted was faithful. I don't feel I'm naive. Some guys are just as crazy about wanting to find that forever as I am. The problem is finding the person who you connect with, and who has the same dreams for a future, in addition to wanting monogamy. It's not an easy process.
This is a great post. I can see a few errors in it though.
1. Being in a relationship doesn't guarantee that the person won't leave you once their feelings change. One only need look at divorce rates for that.
2. (this is not an error in your post -- just an opinion) Exploring polygomy within a relationship can be an excellent way to bring two people together and allow the other person to express their true desires in an honest and upfront way. I believe it actually helps to increase the likelihood of persisting monogomy.
I think monogomy matters for raising children, but even then it's a tricky subject. I think what monogomy means is changing in society. People are starting to realise it's unreasonable to be with just one person forever. It's an ideal, and when we hold other people and ourselves to these ideals...and we or another person falls short of this expectation. The relationship breaks down, or deception within the relationship arises.
:)
"Do you want to be with someone that will leave once they realize their feelings change, or would you rather live with someone who loves you, even when you disappoint them?"
People can leave you when their feelings change with or without marriage
Marriage doesn't ensure monogamy and it is quite possible to not get married and be monogamous
Marriage doesn't insure monogamy and just dating doesn't mean you won't be monogamous
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